Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
