look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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