do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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