My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
