good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
