The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
