just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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