i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
