I love black thongs
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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