Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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