so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
NoShamevember. You game?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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