Yo dont text me then not text me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
