I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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