when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Found the puke drawer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
