don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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