i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
soo... how was my night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
