Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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