that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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