i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
