I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
