guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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