I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
