I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
