Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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