I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
