Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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