is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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