Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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