Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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