she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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