i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
