I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
