im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
