She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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