a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
