Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
