Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
