do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
