My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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