brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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