Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
