i barfeds in our rink
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
