I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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