NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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