i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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