??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Small penises have feelings too.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
