Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
