mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
