I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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