I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
