It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
