there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
