happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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