Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
