i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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