I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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