PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
