Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
