He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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