I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
