i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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