Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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